suprising emotions

The other day I was up in my daughters room.  I was trying to set her room up a little more.  Some areas were more important to properly unpack than others, All Lili needs is her bassinet at the moment so I let the other things slide.  So I decided I needed to go through her clothes and weed out the 0-3 month clothes.  She hasn't worn those in at least two months, but life had been too hectic to get on that project.  I always find it sad to have to get rid of baby clothes.  But this time it was worse than ever.  I mean I was close to tears to think I had to get rid of these sweet 0-3 month clothes that time was already gone.  They are so small and sweet and I could see her all over again when she wore these little things, she was so tiny.  And she is already growing up so fast.  I did keep a thing or two as I have with all my children.  But its crazy to keep it all, there is no reason and I do know another lady who is going to be having a little girl in August so I am going to give her my little girl things and I am very happy to do so.

It just surprised me to have such strong emotions.  I guess knowing she is my last baby, and that she is my only little girl.  I also found her hat that she had on at the hospital, of course I am keeping that.  But it made me remember how sweet it is right after you have the baby to take that little hat off and feel how soft that newborn baby's head is and the newborn smell,  ahhh I love it,  but that made me sad too. 

I do not want anymore children,  By all means I think I have enough.  There are many days I am wondering what in the world I was thinking having four.  But there is just something about pregnancy and new babies I love.  And I guess the finality just gets me a bit.  My Baby days are over and I need to enjoy every moment of my daughters babyhood because the last 5 months have sped by soooo fast.  And I also need to enjoy every moment of my boys lives too because I can't believe its been 6 years since my oldest.  As I say sometimes I think Motherhood is cruel.  These little things come into your life and stir it up and then they day by day become independent and want to seperate.  Which is all good and natural but its like all this just tears a mothers heart out.  I think the quote or saying about having children is like having your heart on the outside walking around.  Despite the moments of having your heart torn I am so thankful to be a mother to have all these amazing experiences with my children.  But man its hard too sometimes just the emotions!