Posts (page 2)

When was the last time you drove out of town?

Too LONG!!!

Lately I have been watching a lot of Historical T.V.

My husband and I watched the John Adams series on HBO.  It was a fantastic series and really made history come alive in a whole new way for me.  It made  American History real.  I am sure they may have taken a few liberty's here and there since its a T.V Show but for the most part I think it was accurate.  I hope HBO might do more of these.

I always loved history anyway, one of my best subjects.  If you could make money in going into History in college I would have done it, but as far as I know, there isn't much you can do except for teach, and I am not really a teacher. 

Last night I stayed up and watched the movie "Marie Antoinette".  I really really enjoyed it.  I knew the basic story about her but I didn't know very much.  It was very interesting and I thought Kirsten Dunst did a fantastic job in the movie, I also liked the addition of todays music added to the movie.  It was still a historical telling just the addition of fun music. 

I think next time I go to the library I will get some historical biographies.  I just get so into these things and just love to learn about other peoples lives.  If anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them.

My husband had to go back to Seattle today.  He will be back Wednesday.  It feels weird and sad at the house.  Like something is not right.  Today has been a long draggy day.  We had to leave our house at 5:30 to get him to the Airport. 

My two year old is taking full advantage of Daddy being gone and is acting as crazy as he can.  Not that I don't lay down the law, but it for some reason does not have the same effect.  So that has been unpleasant. 

I hate feeling this way.  I mean its not like hes gone for a month.  Its just a week.  But a week feels so long and it has just started. 

I guess I am sad too because we just went to Seattle and though we didn't get to do a lot I still enjoyed being there with him and now he is there again and I am stuck here.

I don't know whats wrong with me, I am such a wimp.  But I can't help it I am just sad and I miss him.

I guess as sucky as these times are it helps you realize how much you love someone and need them.  I mean you always know you need them and that you love them but the absence makes it that much more real.

 

The other day I was up in my daughters room.  I was trying to set her room up a little more.  Some areas were more important to properly unpack than others, All Lili needs is her bassinet at the moment so I let the other things slide.  So I decided I needed to go through her clothes and weed out the 0-3 month clothes.  She hasn't worn those in at least two months, but life had been too hectic to get on that project.  I always find it sad to have to get rid of baby clothes.  But this time it was worse than ever.  I mean I was close to tears to think I had to get rid of these sweet 0-3 month clothes that time was already gone.  They are so small and sweet and I could see her all over again when she wore these little things, she was so tiny.  And she is already growing up so fast.  I did keep a thing or two as I have with all my children.  But its crazy to keep it all, there is no reason and I do know another lady who is going to be having a little girl in August so I am going to give her my little girl things and I am very happy to do so.

It just surprised me to have such strong emotions.  I guess knowing she is my last baby, and that she is my only little girl.  I also found her hat that she had on at the hospital, of course I am keeping that.  But it made me remember how sweet it is right after you have the baby to take that little hat off and feel how soft that newborn baby's head is and the newborn smell,  ahhh I love it,  but that made me sad too. 

I do not want anymore children,  By all means I think I have enough.  There are many days I am wondering what in the world I was thinking having four.  But there is just something about pregnancy and new babies I love.  And I guess the finality just gets me a bit.  My Baby days are over and I need to enjoy every moment of my daughters babyhood because the last 5 months have sped by soooo fast.  And I also need to enjoy every moment of my boys lives too because I can't believe its been 6 years since my oldest.  As I say sometimes I think Motherhood is cruel.  These little things come into your life and stir it up and then they day by day become independent and want to seperate.  Which is all good and natural but its like all this just tears a mothers heart out.  I think the quote or saying about having children is like having your heart on the outside walking around.  Despite the moments of having your heart torn I am so thankful to be a mother to have all these amazing experiences with my children.  But man its hard too sometimes just the emotions!

Time for a happy post

I appreciate everyones encouragement on my moving post.  I had many hopeless feeling moments.  Thank God its finished and we are moved in.  I am still working on the new house.  My goal being not to start out cluttered.  So if things don't have a place they get the heave ho!  That is always hard for me I am a pack rat.  But I am way better than I was, and thankfully for all the moves we have made I have thankfully gotten rid and found it easier and easier to let go of stuff.

Actually at this moment I wish my husband would make sure I had the boys baby books and otherwise just throw everything else away because I would never miss it. 

We also had our trip to Seattle.  It was supposed to be our 10th Anniversary trip, it was also a business trip for my husband.  It ended up being more business than romance.  So that was sad. His office was intent on not letting him stop working for the most part.  He worked early morning to late night.  I did get to have quiet dinners with my husband and I didn't have to clean for five days and I got my rest.  So in that regard it was very nice.  But I think we need to do something else for our anniversary. not a vacation but a nice date or something. 

Seattle was very cool.  I didn't get out and see everything, I did still have Lili and so because of her nursing and napping I did have time constraints but I did get to go see Pioneer square and Gabe and I went to Pike Place Market,  although we got there too late.  I want to go again on a vacation.  It wasn't the trip I hoped it would be but I can't complain it was nice to have some rest.

Anyway I would love to go on about nice things but I have a two year old who really needs a nap because he is very busy and into things at the moment.  I will try to post some Seattle pictures soon, and some family pics as well.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

I have not posted in awhile and I think the last time I was complaining, I promise the next one whenever that is I will tell you of all the good and fun that has happened since I posted last. 

Right now I am about to pull my hair out with the two year old.  Yeah the same old same old.  People keep on saying oh its a phase, he will grow out of it. He is almost three but I don't see an end in sight to his constant frustrating behavior  I have been hearing this advice for a long time.  I am tired, I am tired of being stressed because of this child.  I look forward to five and the weekends just so there is someone else to help me with this child.  Now that we have moved into our new house I have no way to contain him and every day there are 20 trips to his room to make sure he takes his nap.  Honestly I dont' care if he plays alone for an hour and a half I just need a break from this child.  I also want him to listen, lately his new things is "I can't, I don't like it, or I don't, and of course the resounding NO and the incessent screaming to the top of his lungs.  I don't understand the child,  my others all had their difficult moments in their twos and threes but nothing like Grant.  I can't relax, I can't leave the room.  I left the room just to take something out to the garage the other day, my child was upstairs into my room and had unlocked our doors to the balcony and he was out on it.  For this child this is not safe.  I have to think every step I take and everything I do before I do it and I am starting to feel like my brain is about to blow up.  He wears me out.  I wish for day care for this child.  Something so I can have some time away from him.  I don't want day care for my other children they can stay home I don't care, but this child is just a constant aggravation.  He riles everyone up. I try to have the three boys play together but within a minute or two the other children are crying because he has hurt them or he just took a toy away. He has me so crazy that by the afternoon that I have lost all patience and my other older two get very short answers and I just want to be away.  I love my son to death, but he also exasperates me on a daily basis and I feel so frustrated because I am not able to be the mom I want to be to the other children.  I don't know why I can't understand this other child and why it is so hard to make him mind. I have tried lots of things, ignoring his screaming (which makes me crazy) I have tried spanking, I have tried taking things away, I am trying to be positive with him.  I am trying to get on his level. But nothing consistently works I need some answers and I need some results.  Does anyone else have a child like this? did they grow out of it, what worked with the child?  I feel our whole family needs some relief! I don't want to wish his young childhood away, I want to enjoy spending time with him and I want his brothers to enjoy being with him too.  I know he desperately loves being with them and I know he means well because he is full of hugs and he is very helpful.  But I can't find enough stuff to keep him constantly busy.  Any helpful advice for a tired mom would be great!

ok so let me start off with the bad and end with the good, but I will put one piece of good news out there.  We did find a house and we are officially moving tomorrow.  I appreciate the hugs and prayers more than you guys know!

Now I said before I am going to work on the complaining and maybe I am just failing the test but I am at a point I just want to give up.  I want to throw my hands up in the air and say "THAT'S IT" and follow it with a few bad words, I am not the type to say bad things but thats how I feel at the moment.  I am so freaking tired.  I have been working on moving all week long.  I have gotten stuff done and I am almost done but still it seems that its not where I want it to be.  Plus besides moving and packing stuff in the van and taking some of it over and unloading it I have taken care of my children and tried to do other things in the house.  It is 11:43 and I am about to get back to it but I felt like I needed to vent to keep on going.  I am feeling very alone.  Alone is not a place I do well in.  I like help.  I will never do this again.  Not alone.  I hate when everything relies on me getting it done.  I have no choice I can't give up.  I really hate that, I feel like I am backed into a corner and I have no options of saying ya know I have done so much today I would really just like to go to bed.  No I have to stay up until it is done. 

Rule number 1 - you should never ever move if you have four kids 6 and under and one of them is breastfeeding.  NOT GOOD!

Rule number 2 - you should never ever move if you have a very curious and rambunctious two year old. ( you will get nothing done and have to wait till 12:00 in the morning to actually get anything done.)

Rule number 3 - You should never ever move if you have a child in half day kindergarten with said two predicaments above.  Your whole day will be shot and you will for sure get nothing done except for driving and taking care of children and maybe a few household chores and you will be up every night till who knows when crying and packing.

Rule number 4 - It should be mandatory to get rid of everything before you move.  At this point I think I could dispose of a whole bunch of stuff, I am so tired I wouldn't miss it at all.

Did I mention I hate doing stuff alone.  I have been so mad so many days this week I felt like I could spit nails.  I don't like feeling like that. 

ok so for the good news. We did finally find a house, that is fabulous, and has everything we need.  A really super nice kitchen with lots of counters space and cabinents and nice appliances (my husband and I love to cook and entertain)  Then we also have four bedrooms, so the two oldest boys share a room (no more torture with the two year old) Then the two year old gets his own room and Lili now has an official room.  And we even have a loft that will be the toy home so my livingroom will not constantly be strown with toys.  We also have a very spacious master bedroom that my goal is to let it be a peaceful restful place not the place to stick stuff to be out of site which is what normally happens, but this house has lots of storage space so I am going to really try to conquer my clutter problem actively.  It also has carpet which makes me feel good for Lili, I won't be worried when she starts to crawl and walk and such.  But it also has tile in good places like the dining room where I have master mess makers, so at least we won't be staining the carpet up.

Everything is good, once we are moved it will be better.  Life is good, I have a great family, and soon a vacation coming up which after this week of hell is much needed, hey I might sleep the whole week at this point - get up to take care of lili every now and then.  No but I do plan on getting naps on this vacation.

Ok so now I say to my sleepy eyes and  sad tired back and very mad feet who wish to detach themselves and run away to a place where they are not abused, that I must return to the fun of packing all of our crap. Too bad for them I have no other option.  hmm after a full day of moving packing and taking care of four children I am a real grump - sorry guys, as soon as there is a bit of rest I promise a very happy post.  My life is good I really can't complain.   And thankfully God is still God!  And I guess I must ask forgiveness for my craptastic attitude,  I am trying, doesn't seem that way but I am.

Hope everyone has a very wonderful weekend.

really really working to maintain a good attitude.  REALLY REALLY WORKING!

So I feel like saying that between gritted teeth.

No really I know things are good. God is working, I wish I could see it but I do know it.  We have found four houses we really loved that were within our price range.  But because of past financial mistakes we have made we are now being turned down.  I thought we had done well paying everything back in full, we have three to four years of perfect rental history.  We have even had a full year of being out from under everything.  I thought all of that would have changed things.  I thought we put our time in.  Apparently not.

So that really bites, and this one rental agent just is bent on not allowing us to rent any of her stuff she hasn't talked to our past Landlord, I wish she would.  So we have found another house we are hoping to see today.  I am really hoping it is something we will like.  We are very fastly running out of time.  We have basically a week.  I never in a million years thought it would be so hard to get a house, especially since everyone is in a crunch to rent their houses. 

Then the people we are renting from now are trying to do a short sale with this house because they are trying to get out of it financially as fast as possible. That is the whole reason we are having to move so fast.  So on top of stressfully trying to find a house and not just settle on anything and trying to pack and also take care of the four children someone wants to show the house.  I am trying to keep our house neat but it feels next to impossible these days.  And so I am feeling very stressed at the fact they want to show the house.  I have Grant the 2 year old destructor who has done a wonderful number on the boys bedroom, there is crayon on the wall and a small hole, things we can fix but not until we don't live here because the boys sleep there and there are naps and paint nor stuff that fixes holes can dry that fast.

So I am a bit stressed, having to think about cleaning our house to a spotless clean, and pack, and take care of the fabulous four.  I just want to puke thinking about it all.  And I am wondering what in the world God is trying to teach me now.  I know there has to be something in this.  I will admit I just want to throw a fit, but obviously that is not the correct answer so I am trying.  Hey maybe God can do a miracle and miraculously clean my house or put a weird haze on these peoples eyes so they don't see things that are there.

Show us something green!

So its not a picture, but my husband just sent this to me today and it was the best St. Patricks thing I have seen today :) 

Gotta love the muppets, especially these three!

So it feels like forever since I have blogged.  Life has been so stinkin busy!  Busy is better than bored but bored at least has a bit of rest in it too.  As I say over and over I want the happy medium.  It seems like I can either have one extreme or the other.

Life is Good, God is working, I can't complain.  That is true figuratively, and literally. 

I had mentioned that I was going to start reading a book my husband had just gotten finished with. 

I finally started it about a week ago I think.  I am still not finished I am slowly plodding throught it.  Not that it is boring in the least, I am slow because I want to soak every bit of it in, and I also have four children got to read when you have the free moment and those aren't often. 

Let me just say this is a life changing book.  I am so thankful for this book.  This book will make you feel like mud, but it a happy good way.  You don't think you are a loser who can never come back from loserhood, you realize where you have royally screwed up and you pray and you commit to fixing those areas in your life. 

I feel like I feel the difference already from reading the book.  I have more joy in my life, I feel like I am closer to God already, not that He was far away, I was the one putting barriers between us.  But I am actively trying to take those down little bit by little bit.  If you want a good life change definitely read this book.

Life is good in the household.  I have the most amazing baby in the whole  world! She will actually go to sleep on her own.  She takes naps.  She is amazing.  Growing like crazy and smiling all the time.  She is a real sweety.  She still has a ton of hair, I don't think hardly any of it has fallen out.  People kept on saying wow she has a lot of hair but it will fall out.  I didn't think it would but I just smiled and say maybe so.  Anyway things are good, My oldest is almost all the way through his school stuff.

We are continuing to look for houses, we have three weeks to move.  We have found a few, but oddly either something would come up or get rented before we could even see them.  I will confess I am crazy impatient.  I don't like instability.  I want to know our house right now, but for some reason things are very slow going and I am going crazy.  My husband says this is all in Gods timing and I need to just let it go and rest in him.  I am finding that very hard to do.  I am trying but Geez Louise do these people even care do they know we need to find a house NOW!!!  See there I go again.  I am working on it,  I do know God is in control.  Thank God He is and I am not.

Anyway just thought I would pop in and post a quick post.